洛杉矶时报“前程似锦，理想主义和黑暗”——大学毕业典礼上的讲话

这是你们的毕业典礼，我知道你们都在想些什么，把那张羊皮致给我们，赶快走人。但是很遗憾，你们还是得听完这个毕业典礼上的讲话。

不要叹气，我并不是要把我们的智慧传给你们这一代，相反地，作为60年代出生的一员，可以说我们是没有任何智慧的一代。

我们是无能的一代人，我们深信留着长发，穿着小丑般的衣服可以阻止越战；我们认为毒品可以改变一切——对某些人确实如此；我们对开放的恋情充满期待，但开放的性行为让我们付出了惨重代价。

我们一代人毁掉了一切。特立独行是年轻人的权利，但我们这一代人把特立独行做到了极致，奇装异服是我们开始穿的，千奇百怪的胡子是我们开始留的，奇言怪语也是我们开始说的——因此到了你们这一代，原创的特立独行恐怕只剩下在脸上纹身，在舌头上打洞了，我想那一定很痛。因此，对于我们一代人浪费掉了诸多特立独行的资源，我表示抱歉。

现在我的责任是给你们一些建议，可是想到你们已经完成了16年的教育，估计你们差不多也受够了这种善意，所以，让我来为你们缓解一下这种烦躁的心情。

1 当你走出这个校园，一定要赚很多很多钱

我们生活在世界上最繁荣的国家，被舒适，方便与安全感环绕，但是记住，这些只有有钱才能保证。但是美国没有一个政治家，教育家或精神领袖告诉你“孩子们，一定要赚很多很多钱”，相反他们会告诉你，钱买不来高兴。也许这是真的，但是钱至少可以保住你现在的好心情。

财富不是一块比萨饼，不是说我有了很多片比萨，你能吃的只有比萨饼的空盒子。在这样一个自由的社会里，有法律保护个人财产，没有人会因为别人变得富有而失去自己的财富。

2 绝不要理想主义

别把自己吊死在一个理念的大树上，相反地，去做一个律师，一年赚50万。不管你怎样偷蒙拐骗，最后你总要把10万块钱拿出来交税——这些钱可以建造学校，公路，为消防员和警察发工资，你这是在为社会做贡献。吊死在一个理念的大树上对社会又有什么好处呢？

理想主义者往往恃强凌弱，他们会说：“我非常在乎我的理念，以至于我茶饭不思，坐立不安，婚姻破裂，因为我对于这个理念比你更在乎，我人品比你好。因为我人品比你好，我对你可以为所欲为。”

对于这种人，拿把锯子解放他吊死的那棵大树吧。

3 远离政治

所有的政治都让人作呕，包括民主。想象一下，如果我们穿什么得由大多数的购物狂——年轻小女生决定，那么我现在得站在这里看着我的大肚腩从短小精悍的小衣服下面爆出来；如果我们的晚餐得由家里投票选择，那么让我告诉你，我家里有三个孩子和三只狗，也就是说我们的晚餐得吃婴儿米糊或者烂肉。

不过我希望大家不要把政治和政治家混为一谈。有些人认为，政治家让人作呕。把小布什拉下马，世界就清静了，国家的问题就解决了。

问题的关键不在于政治家，而在于政治。政治永远不允许真实，我们不能因此而责备政治家。如果你要听实话，那么在今天的总统竞选过程中，你会听到

“我没办法改进公立学校的教育。问题不在教师工会，不在教师工资太低，也不在于电脑教室太少，问题在于你的孩子是个傻叉。”

4 忘记所谓的公平

政治家和生活传达的截然不同的信息常常让我们不知所措。

生活告诉我们，我可不能贫穷，我得赚钱，我得赚得比别人多。政治家告诉我们，有钱人赚得太多啦，穷人赚得太少啦，我们得解决贫富不均这个问题呀。

也许我在这里宣扬的是一种不公平。每当我10岁的女儿感叹：“这真不公平”，我总会对她说：“亲爱的，你真可爱。这真不公平，你的家庭条件很好，你生在美国。亲爱的你最好向上帝祈祷，生活不会对你公平起来。”对于个人来说，我们需要的总是更多的收入，哪怕这意味着更大的贫富不均。

5 做到宗教上狂热

远离政治，但如果你经受不了诱惑，那么去圣经里寻求政治上的指引，即使你是佛教徒等等。我并不是说政治应该牵扯上宗教，我要说的是，看看我们的社会，看看我们的国家，看看我们的政治，看看世界再看看历史，你能看见一点上帝的影子吗？

圣经上很明确的表示，用政治手段创造平等是一种罪。摩西十戒中最后一条是什么？别觊觎属于你邻居的任何东西。

这是上帝希望人们生活的方式，除了宗教戒律还有道德规范。在最后我们看到，别嫉妒。为什么这会名列十大，为什么上帝只有10件事情要交代摩西而觊觎别人的财产名列10大呢？

认真思考一下，这对于一个社会，一个国家，一个民主制度来说，意味着，如果你想要驴子，想要烤炉，想要女佣，别对着街对面的邻居家所有流口水。自己赚钱买回来。

6 最后一条，别听老人胡言乱语

记住，如果有一个老人站在这里，告诉你他有一些非听不可的建议。他一定要价不菲。

原文

Fairness, idealism and other atrocities Commencement advice you're unlikely to hear elsewhere.

By P.J. O'Rourke

May 4, 2008

Well, here you are at your college graduation. And I know what you're thinking: "Gimme the sheepskin and get me outta here!" But not so fast. First you have to listen to a commencement speech.

Don't moan. I'm not going to "pass the wisdom of one generation down to the next." I'm a member of the 1960s generation. We didn't have any wisdom.

We were the moron generation. We were the generation that believed we could stop the Vietnam War by growing our hair long and dressing like circus clowns. We believed drugs would change everything -- which they did, for John Belushi. We believed in free love. Yes, the love was free, but we paid a high price for the sex.

My generation spoiled everything for you. It has always been the special prerogative of young people to look and act weird and shock grown-ups. But my generation exhausted the Earth's resources of the weird. Weird clothes -- we wore them. Weird beards -- we grew them. Weird words and phrases -- we said them. So, when it came your turn to be original and look and act weird, all you had left was to tattoo your faces and pierce your tongues. Ouch. That must have hurt. I apologize.

So now, it's my job to give you advice. But I'm thinking: You're finishing 16 years of education, and you've heard all the conventional good advice you can stand. So, let me offer some relief:

1. Go out and make a bunch of money!

Here we are living in the world's most prosperous country, surrounded by all the comforts, conveniences and security that money can provide. Yet no American political, intellectual or cultural leader ever says to young people, "Go out and make a bunch of money." Instead, they tell you that money can't buy happiness. Maybe, but money can rent it.

There's nothing the matter with honest moneymaking. Wealth is not a pizza, where if I have too many slices you have to eat the Domino's box. In a free society, with the rule of law and property rights, no one loses when someone else gets rich.

2. Don't be an idealist!

Don't chain yourself to a redwood tree. Instead, be a corporate lawyer and make $500,000 a year. No matter how much you cheat the IRS, you'll still end up paying $100,000 in property, sales and excise taxes. That's $100,000 to schools, sewers, roads, firefighters and police. You'll be doing good for society. Does chaining yourself to a redwood tree do society $100,000 worth of good?

Idealists are also bullies. The idealist says, "I care more about the redwood trees than you do. I care so much I can't eat. I can't sleep. It broke up my marriage. And because I care more than you do, I'm a better person. And because I'm the better person, I have the right to boss you around."

Get a pair of bolt cutters and liberate that tree.

Who does more for the redwoods and society anyway -- the guy chained to a tree or the guy who founds the "Green Travel Redwood Tree-Hug Tour Company" and makes a million by turning redwoods into a tourist destination, a valuable resource that people will pay just to go look at?

So make your contribution by getting rich. Don't be an idealist.

3. Get politically uninvolved!

All politics stink. Even democracy stinks. Imagine if our clothes were selected by the majority of shoppers, which would be teenage girls. I'd be standing here with my bellybutton exposed. Imagine deciding the dinner menu by family secret ballot. I've got three kids and three dogs in my family. We'd be eating Froot Loops and rotten meat.

But let me make a distinction between politics and politicians. Some people are under the misapprehension that all politicians stink. Impeach George W. Bush, and everything will be fine. Nab Ted Kennedy on a DUI, and the nation's problems will be solved.

But the problem isn't politicians -- it's politics. Politics won't allow for the truth. And we can't blame the politicians for that. Imagine what even a little truth would sound like on today's campaign trail:

"No, I can't fix public education. The problem isn't the teachers unions or a lack of funding for salaries, vouchers or more computer equipment The problem is your kids!"

4. Forget about fairness!

We all get confused about the contradictory messages that life and politics send.

Life sends the message, "I'd better not be poor. I'd better get rich. I'd better make more money than other people." Meanwhile, politics sends us the message, "Some people make more money than others. Some are rich while others are poor. We'd better close that 'income disparity gap.' It's not fair!"

Well, I am here to advocate for unfairness. I've got a 10-year-old at home. She's always saying, "That's not fair." When she says this, I say, "Honey, you're cute. That's not fair. Your family is pretty well off. That's not fair. You were born in America. That's not fair. Darling, you had better pray to God that things don't start getting fair for you." What we need is more income, even if it means a bigger income disparity gap.

5. Be a religious extremist!

So, avoid politics if you can. But if you absolutely cannot resist, read the Bible for political advice -- even if you're a Buddhist, atheist or whatever. Don't get me wrong, I am not one of those people who believes that God is involved in politics. On the contrary. Observe politics in this country. Observe politics around the world. Observe politics through history. Does it look like God's involved?

The Bible is very clear about one thing: Using politics to create fairness is a sin. Observe the Tenth Commandment. The first nine commandments concern theological principles and social law: Thou shalt not make graven images, steal, kill, et cetera. Fair enough. But then there's the tenth: "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor anything that is thy neighbor's."

Here are God's basic rules about how we should live, a brief list of sacred obligations and solemn moral precepts. And, right at the end of it we read, "Don't envy your buddy because he has an ox or a donkey." Why did that make the top 10? Why would God, with just 10 things to tell Moses, include jealousy about livestock?

Well, think about how important this commandment is to a community, to a nation, to a democracy. If you want a mule, if you want a pot roast, if you want a cleaning lady, don't whine about what the people across the street have. Get rich and get your own.

Now, one last thing:

6. Don't listen to your elders!

After all, if the old person standing up here actually knew anything worth telling, he'd be charging you for it.

P.J. O'Rourke, a correspondent for the Weekly Standard and the Atlantic, is the author, most recently, of "On The Wealth of Nations." A longer version of this article appears in Change magazine, which reports on trends and issues in higher education.

http://www.latimes.com/news/opinion/la-op-orourke4-2008may04,0,3597821,full.story