我们在工作中一直在谈判——为加薪、升职、休假——我们通常把它当作一场战斗。组织心理学家 Ruchi Sinha 说，但这不是支配。这是关于建立关系，了解您和其他人的需求。她的三个关键步骤将帮助您掌握这项基本技能。

When we think about negotiations, we think about being tough. We charge in like it's a battle, brandishing our influence and our power moves. But a negotiation doesn't have to be a fight with winners and losers. Think of it more like a dance, two or more people moving fluidly in sync.

每次一说到“谈判”，我们通常会联想到强硬的态度。我们如临大敌，全力使出我们的影响力和绝招。但是谈判并不一定是一场关乎胜败的战争。把它当成一支舞蹈，两个人或更多人随着音乐和谐地舞动。

[The Way We Work]

我们的革命之路

We constantly negotiate at work. We negotiate for higher pay, promotions, vacations and even greater autonomy. In fact, every day we negotiate just to get our job done and to secure resources for ourselves and our teams. And yet when we go in with the wrong mindset, with a fist up ready to fight, we aren't as successful. You know why? Because negotiation is not about dominating. It's about crafting a relationship. And relationships thrive when we find ways to give and to take and move together in unison. And to do that, you have to be well prepared.

我们经常在工作中需要谈判。为了加薪、升职、假期，甚至是更多的自主权谈判。其实，我们每天都只是为了完成工作和为自己与团队获取资源而谈判。但是当我们思考的方向错误，挥起拳头准备战斗时，我们就不会那么成功。你知道为什么吗？因为谈判的精髓不在于主导，而在于建立关系。如果我们找到了有商有量，共同进步的方式，这种关系就会积极地发展。想要达到这样的效果，你必须要准备妥当。

First, do your research. Figure out whether what you're asking for is realistic. What is your aspiration? What do you want, and what will make you walk away from the table? This might seem obvious, but too many people don’t think it through. Let's say you're negotiating for a salary in a new job.

首先，做好调查。搞清楚你的诉求是否现实。你渴望什么？你想要什么，而什么会让你放弃谈判？这看起来显而易见，但是很多人想不明白。比如说你在为你的新工作谈判薪水。

Some people, they determine they ask based on their past salary. That isn't a good yardstick. You may end up asking for too much or too little. Instead, find out the range of what is possible. Look at industrial reports, websites.

有些人会参考过去的薪水决定要多少，这不是一个好的衡量标准。最终你可能会要的太多了或者太少了。相反，找出一个可能的范围。查阅行业报告和网站。

Talk to people in your professional network to find out the lowest, average and the highest salary for a similar role, and then make your ask closer to that upper limit. Build a solid rationale for why you are above average and thus deserving of that ask.

和职业圈里的人交流，找出相似职位能给出的最低、平均和最高工资，然后提出接近岗位上限的工资。据理力争为什么你的能力超过平均值，所以值得更高的薪水。

Let's say you're negotiating for something less black and white, like the ability to work from home to care for an aging parent. You need to study your company's policies on remote work. Ask yourself when and why were these policies developed in the first place? Talk to trusted mentors to understand how working from home might affect issues that aren't on your radar.

再比如说，你要为一些不那么黑白分明的事项谈判，比如说因为要照顾年迈的父母而在家工作。你就需要研究公司对于远程工作的政策。问问自己这些政策何时、为何被制定，与信赖的导师沟通，了解居家办公在其他你没注意到的方面可能带来的影响。

And think about how changing to working from home might actually affect others in your team. In fact, make a table summarizing the parts of your job that can be done remotely and the parts that require face-to-face interaction. This may sound like a lot to do, but when the person you're negotiating with sees that you've done all this homework, you're more likely to get that "yes." It also helps you avoid being lied to while building the person's respect.

想一想改成居家办公会怎样影响其他团队成员。实际上，可以把你的工作内容制成表格，包括可以远程完成的，和必须面对面交流才能完成的部分。听起来这很费事，但是当谈判对象看到你都做好了功课，你就更可能得到批准。这也可以让你防止受骗，同时又赢得了他人的尊重。

Second, prepare mentally for the negotiation. Asking for things can get emotional. There are real and complex feelings at play: fear, anxiety, anger, even hurt. It's essential to have strategies in place to manage those feelings. One strategy is to adopt a mindset of defensive pessimism. That just means that you accept obstacles and failures are likely in a negotiation.

第二，为谈判做好心理准备。向他人索取可能会让人情绪激动。以下是可能出现的真实又复杂的心情：恐惧、焦虑、愤怒，甚至是受挫。最好提前准备好策略应对这些感觉。策略之一可以是保持防御性悲观。意思是你准备迎接谈判可能会出现的阻碍和失败。

So it's better to put your energy in imagining the ways to overcome those obstacles. That way, you’re ready to respond when you face it. Another strategy is emotional distancing. That is the idea of being less attached to any specific outcome. I know it's easier said than done. We all feel emotions like anger and hurt when our core identities are being threatened.

所以你最好把精力花在思考如何克服这些困难。这样，困难来临时，你已经做好了准备。另一个策略是保持情绪距离。意思是不要依赖任何特定的结果。我知道说起来可比做起来简单得多。当我们的核心认同被威胁时，我们都会有像愤怒和受挫这样的情绪。

When your manager may be challenging a truth that you hold dear about yourself, like you’re a hard worker and you deserve this, try and avoid thinking of negotiations as the ultimate test of your worth. Go in knowing that your request might be met, that it might be denied, and that none of this is a measure of your worth. Also know that if you feel yourself getting upset, hurt during a negotiation, it's OK to step back. You can leave the dance floor and move up to the balcony. Just say, "Let me think about this a little more. Could we press pause and continue this tomorrow?"

当经理质疑你珍视的自我认知时，比如你工作认真，这是你应得的，你就可以试着避免把谈判当作对你自身价值的终极审判。记住，你的请求可能会被满足，也有可能不被满足，但是这些都不是你的价值的衡量标准。另外，如果谈判中你感到沮丧、受伤，后退一步也没有关系。你可以离开舞池，上到包厢。就说：“我再想想吧。我们可不可以暂停，明天再谈？”

The third and the final way you can prepare for negotiations is by putting yourself in the other person's shoes. Taking the time to anticipate the other's needs and challenges. What pressures may they be under? What risks would they be taking? Do they even have the power to give you what you're asking for? What ripple effects might a "yes" mean?

第三个也是最后一个建议是，你可以站在对方的角度准备谈判。花点时间思考对方的需求和挑战。他们遭受着什么压力？他们会冒什么风险？他们到底有没有满足你请求的能力？一个“同意”会造成什么连锁反应？

When you make that request, look to balance assertiveness about your own needs with a concern for the other. As you lay out your case, use phrases like, “I’m asking for this because I know it’s good for my team. That I want to achieve X and Y goals, and I know this is what will enable it.” Arguments like that show that you are ambitious, you know what you want, but you also care for others.

你在提出请求的时候，要记得平衡对自己需求的坚决和为对方的考虑。在陈述你的情况的时候，用这样的说法比如“我知道这对我的团队很好，所以我提出这样的请求。”“我想达到甲和乙目标，我知道这么做可以达成。”这样的叙述可以显示出你很有野心，你知道你想要什么，但是你又关心他人。

So many of our negotiation missteps, they don't actually come from disagreements but misunderstanding the other person. So it's important to listen well, to ask why and why not? And you will surely find unexpected opportunities for win-win solutions.

所以很多谈判失败并不是因为分歧，而是因为误解了对方。所以仔细听清楚，问问为什么、为什么不，非常重要。你一定能发现制造双赢局面的意外机会。